What to do when a friend is in crisis..,.

We all want to help when a friend is having a hard time. Often we send notes that say "please let me know if you need anything" or something similar to that. Candidly that is what I often do. But, some recent personal events have taught me a lot about crisis etiquette for lack of a better word. I am sure this is not a one size fits all response but these are my observations. 

When a friend is in crisis, they often don't know what they need so offering the help of "let me know if you need anything" without something more specific is really just giving them another decision to handle at a time when that is very hard. 

I recently had some amazing friends and family help me and my husband through an unexpected surgery. They just showed up and spent time with us. They brought books and things to keep us amused. They offered to help with anything but their presence alone was the amazing gift. Sometimes the best gift you can give is your time. When you are present, the person in crisis will ask for what they need. 

Others just did things like bring food or walk out dog. They did not ask really; they just did it whether we asked or not. Let me say everything by these folks was greatly appreciated.  We certainly enjoyed every bit of the food and help and particularly enjoyed knowing what great friends we have.  Their specific proactivity in our time of need was exactly what the doctor ordered.