Compliments That Really Count - Give an "A" for trying

Whether as a parent, friend, or boss, it is important to give compliments that really count so that you motivate the right behavior. It may seem counterintuitive, but commending what comes naturally - whether it's athletic talent, a musical gift or brainpower - often backfires. A recent Columbia University study found that kids who were praised for their intelligence became overly focused on performing well. After incorrectly answering some IQ test questions, kids showed less persistence and performed poorly even on easier ones that followed. Once you praise a child for intelligence, they can become invested in success. They fear difficulty because they begin to equate failure with stupidity. Recognizing and rewarding effort, however, has the opposite effect, motivig kids to work harder, aim higher and savor their achievements. I think the same motivations likely work on those that work with us - people will work harder when we recognize the effort - not just the aptitude. When we recognize effort, we show that value hard work in those we work with and it is likely that these kinds of compliments will continue to get harder work as a result!

Customer service - the right first question?

I have had some recent shopping experiences where some of the customer service folks have it so right and others where they have it so wrong. To brag - men's shops tend to get it right. I go into men's clothing stores with my boyfriend and they know when to be attentive and when to let you look. I wonder if men are generally more straight forward than women and so when someone says they don't need help they accept that more readily?  Also men's stores tend to ask if you are "looking for something specific" whereas women's stores tend to ask "can I help you". The latter question is more open ended and I submit the men's stores generally get a better answer. If I am looking for something specific I will say - yes where are the casual pants? They show me and I get them and leave.  And if I say no then they know I am a browser and tend to leave me to look. 

The challenge is always to know whether to "help" aggressively or more subtlety suggest items. I think those in customer service need to pay attention to the cues given. I often say I don't need help and when I say it I mean it. And when I have a "hovering" sales associate it is a sure fire way to make me leave. When that happens, I feel like they did not listen to me when I said I did not need help and worse they hover because they think I am going to take something. If stores think people may take things they need more subtle ways to discover that than huddling around each customer.  Also I submit the better question is whether I am looking for something specific - then they circumvent any question about what I am doing - browser, intentional shopper or otherwise and can immediately give me the best customer service by attending to my specific needs. 

Talk Starters

Many times we don't know how to break into conversations at events or get to know new co-workers. There is always the awkward first impressions and silent pauses that make us uncomfortable. Further, sometimes we are a the "new guy" and we want to make sure we are perceived as personable. One of the easiest ways to get to know someone is to start with a sincere compliment. If you start with that, you are sure to make a positive first impression. Importantly, if you listen to responses to compliments you can keep the conversation going. For example: Compliment: That pie you made is great. Answer: Thank you. It was my grandmother's recipe. Response: Oh fantastic. Did she teach you to cook? Answer...) Inevitably, the conversation goes on. If you are the new person to a workplace, you can bring a prop that gets people talking. Maybe you wear a quirky scarf or handbag. You come to the event with something that will pique interest and make conversations easier for you all night.

Great Tips for Bosses to Deal With Workplace Romances

Romance Can Disrupt a Small Firm Bosses need to make sure lovebirds stay professional By Barbara Haislip February 3, 2014 An office romance at a small firm can be a very tricky affair. A lot of the safety valves that big companies have for handling the situation won't work. A boss can't transfer somebody to a different department or have someone report to a different manager to make sure the romance doesn't interfere with work. If a romance sours, not only can it poison the mood of the whole office, there's also the risk of having a sexual-harassment suit filed against the company—something few small firms can afford. Meanwhile, if one lover decides to leave because of the situation, it can seriously disrupt a very small business where every employee counts. Two's Company The most important thing a business owner can do is to start talking to the people involved as soon as he or she becomes aware of the situation, says Arlene Vernon, founder of HRx Inc., a human-resources consulting company in Eden Prairie, Minn. "You don't need to approach this with threats or anger. Just take a respectful, business-focused approach," she says. In a conversation, the lovers should spell out "they are not going to work differently, communicate differently or treat people differently as a result of their relationship." Clemens and Jessica Lengenfelder at the dance studio where they met West Hartford Fred Astaire Dance Studio Ben Sayers, chief executive and owner of VoIP Supply LLC, a 30-employee e-commerce company in Buffalo, N.Y., says he's had lots of couples in the workplace—"at one point, exactly one-third of the whole workforce was married to or dating a co-worker." In most cases, he says, a simple conversation was all it took to keep the situation on track. In the chat, he would make clear that the relationship was fine as long as "it had no negative performance effect, it was not a distraction to other employees and that they kept their personal disagreements at home and not center stage at work." That approach has served Jessica Lengenfelder well, too. She met her husband, Clemens, 15 years ago when they were both instructors at the West Hartford Fred Astaire Dance Studio franchise in West Hartford, Conn., and since she took over the business in May 2001, two dozen employees have paired off and dated—in a couple of cases even married. Dance instructors often become dance partners, so it's not surprising many fall in love, she says. When Ms. Lengenfelder finds out a couple is dating, she has a joint conversation with them about keeping up a level of professionalism—"No goo-goo eyes at each other"—and when they break up she talks to them separately, telling them to leave their problems on the mat outdoors. Beyond that, the studio has a general written policy that calls for a level of professionalism emulating Fred Astaire. "Our business is a happy, friendly business," she says. "I remind them of what Fred would do." People Will Talk Sometimes things don't go quite so gracefully. Audrey Darrow, president of Earth Source Organics, a maker of nutritional chocolate bars in Vista, Calif., had two employees on the manufacturing line start eyeing each other in 2011. The woman was flirting, Ms. Darrow says, and the man responded, which made their work slow down. Other employees got angry with the woman and told the man she was tricking him. Then the couple got angry with the other staffers. After assigning the couple to jobs in different spots—where they didn't have time to talk—bosses had a one-on-one meeting with each. Then they addressed the topic of people lowering productivity in meetings with the entire staff (albeit without mentioning names). Now, Ms. Darrow says, "they are doing great and we've had no more issues with employees so far." Some pros advise bosses to go further than chats and set up firm policies. Joel Greenwald, managing partner of Greenwald Doherty LLP, a New York-based labor and employment-law firm, advises having rules requiring couples to report relationships to the owner. He also advises owners to protect themselves by having both parties acknowledge the relationship is consensual and that they understand the company policy on harassment. One thing to be sure about, says Roberta Matuson, president of Matuson Consulting, based in Northampton, Mass.: "Don't put policies in place that you are unwilling to enforce. If you have a 'no dating co-workers' policy, then you must remind co-workers who decide to date what the policy says and ask them which person will be resigning from his or her job." She also suggests a simple solution to head off tricky situations. "Encourage your workers to leave work on time so they can have a life outside of work," she says. "By doing so, they may be less tempted to ask out the only other person they happen to know."

Consider Etiquette Differences While Abroad

When we travel abroad for pleasure or business, we must understand that the cultures and etiquette norms are very different than the U.S. Etiquette we consider proper in the United States may cause you to lose the deal or offend others when travelling abroad. For example, if you are thinking of giving a clock as a gift in Hong Kong, you better not as clocks are associated with death or funerals! Are you going to Japan? If you receive a gift in Japan, don't open it upon receiving it, that would be impolite. However, in Austria, do open your gift immediately; otherwise you will be seen as being rude. What might be perfectly acceptable in one country, might be totally taboo in another. In Japan it's not only acceptable to slurp the noodles in your soup, but it's considered good table manners to do so. On the other hand, if you're enjoying a nice bowl of soup in England, slurping is considered rude and would seem rather uncouth! There are some good sites to consider before travelling. Some of these tips come from Vayama.com. Another great book I would recommend is Kiss, Bow of Shake Hands? by Terri Morrison. You can find it at . This book an invaluable to ensuring you do not miss the particular nuances of the country you are visiting. The other important point to remember is the U.S. way is not the "right" way when you are abraod. There is no moral obligation to slurp or not slurp. I submit when in Rome, do as the Romans. Do not think the U.S. has a superior way of doing things. You will miss the beauty of experiencing differet cultures and celebrating our world's variety.

Why Polite People Prosper

Being polite, all the time, will make it easier to achieve your goals in life. People are more inclined to want to help someone they like and respect and who likewise shows them the same respect. "Politeness" cannot be something you turn on and off in the right situations. For example, you cannot be kind to your boss yet disrespectful to direct reports. You will only come across and insincere and be disrespected by others for this opportunistic behavior. When you are polite all the time, you will likely be more popular than those who are not polite. In this world of social networking, being popular and well liked can make a big difference in the opportunities that are presented to you. Further, your reputation is the only thing that precedes you and will be remembered when you leave. A reputation as a considerate person can only serve you well. So proactice politeness. In stores, thank the stock person. At work, ask your secretary if you can get lunch for her one day. At home, make a special breakfast for the family. Once well practiced, politeness will easily follow you everywhere.

Why Good Table Manners Show Respect for Others

Simply, etiquette means treating others the same way you want to be treated. But learning etiquette rules can mean much more than this. Proper etiquette helps us identify with important emotions like empathy, sympathy, and compassion. When we are polite to others, we acknowledge that they are important and have the same feelings as we do. With this in mind, we will discuss the reasons why certain conventions of etiquette really help us identify with these emotions. Table Manners Being polite at the table is important no matter where you are. Poor table manners tell others you don't care about their feelings. Further, they can embarrass friends and family. When you share meals with someone you want to impress, whether girlfriend, boyfriend, employer, or client, these are a few tips to get you through: 1) Chew with your mouth closed in a closed and quiet way. Smacking of others is an appetite suppressant for those that have to hear it. 2) If you need to blow your nose or burp, get up from the table to do it. 3) Wait until everyone at the table is seated and has their plates before you start eating your meal. In past centures, the most important person was served first. By waiting, you are showing the rest of the group you respect them as equals. 4) Ask for food to be passed, do not reach across others to grab it. Reaching across shows you do not value the space of others and that your needs are more important than theirs. Further, you reach over their food and can get hair or dirt in their food.