The Value of Office Disrupters

I found this article in the Wall Street Journal. I think this insight gives us hopeful ways to find the positive aspects of those ever so annoying co-workers we all have (just make sure you know which one of these you may be too!) Wall Street Journal (February 14, 2014) [By Peggy Drexler] James liked his job in the admissions office of a large university. It was interesting, decently paid, useful work, he told me at the holiday gathering where we'd met. The only problem: His co-workers agitated his every last nerve. There was the social butterfly who spent her days flitting from desk to desk; the workaholic who obsessed over every last detail; the malcontent who subtly belittled anyone who spoke up in a meeting; the passive-aggressive assistant who would only answer calls if you were on her good side that week; and the boss, a hopeless narcissist who inevitably made himself the focus of every task. James came to dread going into the office. (For reasons of privacy, I've changed his name, as well as the names of others cited here.) You rarely get to pick your co-workers, which makes it nearly impossible to predict whether you'll be happy at any new job. While exploring life in the modern workplace, I've heard people grumble again and again not about their job but about their office mates. They were thrown in among the autocrats and the aristocrats; the passives, the aggressives and the passive aggressives; the suck-ups and the backstabbers. This may be why so many of us could relate to the NBC sitcom "The Office," with its universal message: The office would be a fine place to work, if it weren't for everyone else. But not all "disrupters"—the personality types who make it harder to get work done—harm office life or even productivity. Take narcissists. Sure, they're terrible listeners and apt to gobble up all the credit. But they also can be charming, engaging and charismatic. They can attract and inspire followers and be terrific mentors and leaders—which is why so many bosses are narcissists. In a 2006 study of more than 100 CEOs, researchers at Penn State found that executive narcissism can actually be motivational. The key to working for such a boss is learning to share praise, making your own contributions subtly known and ensuring that the narcissist doesn't rule your work life. Another classic disrupter is the passive aggressive type—the office scorekeeper. Greg, a graphic designer at a magazine and a family friend, told me that he habitually did better layouts for editors who took a personal interest in him. He'd frequently hand in shabby pages for colleagues he spotted going out for drinks who hadn't invited him along. "I did not ever want to be perceived as looking vulnerable or weak," he said. "Why should I do for other people when they don't do for me?" Scorekeepers don't play fair, which makes them tricky to get along with. But Pat Heim and Susan Murphy, authors of "In the Company of Women," argue that scorekeeping can have an upside, if used to encourage cooperation and motivate co-workers—a sort of "do for others what they do for you" philosophy. Then there is the office gossip. A 2012 study at the University of Amsterdam found that gossip makes up a whopping 90% of office conversation—but isn't as detrimental as you might think. The researchers concluded that such behind-the-back chatter may be essential for group survival. They found that gossip can make offices run more smoothly and improve productivity, helping to keep underperforming workers in line while fostering camaraderie. Consider Sascha—a friend's daughter who worked as an assistant to a busy orthopedist in a Manhattan hospital. Sascha had been enduring a painful divorce and was overwhelmed with personal obligations. Her co-workers were losing patience, but she figured they would have to understand. They didn't. Sascha began to overhear her name whispered in the hallways; she'd enter the break room for coffee, and chatter would halt. But instead of calling her co-workers out, she listened. She tried hard to get her work done despite her personal struggles. "I was wrong in assuming that my co-workers were my friends, or even that they shouldn't talk about me," she told me. "I needed someone to give me a kick in the ass, and, well, they did." Finally, there are the obsessive, workaholic types—disrupters who live for order. They may be annoyingly rule-bound, but they set high standards, communicate well and make great operators, mentors and team members. As a 2011 study from the Rouen Business School in France reported, workaholism often can be constructive, inspiring co-workers to be more original and dedicated. Adapting to personality types at work need not mean abandoning your principles. Even the most annoying co-workers often have something to teach. You also need to figure out if you yourself are a disrupter. James realized that he was the office enabler, the one who needed everyone's approval all the time. That revelation let him separate himself more from his job—making him not just a better worker but a better co-worker too. —Dr. Drexler is an assistant professor of psychology in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College and the author of "Our Fathers, Ourselves."

Speech Goofs to Avoid Part III (Baby Talk)

Logically, women know that speaking in a baby voice does not say totally together career woman! Yet women whose voices are not naturally high pitched sometimes break into this tone when under pressure. Women could consciously or unconsciously be using the ammunition that worked for them as children. But this innocent-cute card that worked to get your way as an adolescant does not project authority as an adult. Yawning several times with your mouth wide open and with pursed lips helps stretch your throat and tongue and prevents sounds from escaping through your nose, thus eliminating nasally baby voice. If you have a naturally high pitched voice, humming in a low pitch can warm up your voice and get it into that lower register.

Speech Goofs to Avoid Part II (Fillers)

Subconsciously dotting sentences with like, ums, and ya-know is common. But, when we do this, people consciously or unconsciously question our intelligence (thank you 1980's valley girls...) Recording yourself on a phone conversation will let you know how badly you fall into this habit. Or you can ask a trusted friend who will be honest with you. The way to fix the problem, breathe! Instead of "like" or "um", use that opportunity to take a breath to collect your thoughts instead of filling the silence with a sound. The pause will keep others from interrupting you when they think you are filling time with useless words. Instead, they will hang on to the words you say and not lose interest because valuable words are all that will come out.

Speech goofs to avoid

We all want to sound professional and be respected in the workplace. But a few speech "tics" may stand in our way.  

1) Shut down the "up speak". You know this when you hear it. Everything that someone says rises up and sounds like they are asking a question.  That "up speak" conveys hesitation, insincerity and confusion. One way to check if you do this is to record yourself speaking. Note the words that rise and fall. Then work to create a steady voice pattern that avoids these fluctuations. You will instantly sound more confident and command attention. 

2) Slow Down and Go Deep - When you voice is relaxed, well-paced and expressive, you are easy to listen to and your message will be received in kind. Alternatively, when your voice is high pitched, fast, and constricted, you run the risk of being perceived that way in the workplace. Find your calm, lower pitched voice to help your ideas gain the credibility they deserve. 

Compliments That Count - Applaud TRUE Accomplishments

As we mentioned, compliments hopefully encourage behavior that we would like repeated. To that end, it's important NOT to commend your children or co-workers for easy tasks (for example - kids taking out the trash or coworker filing the documents). This kind of reflexive praise makes too big a deal about ordinary responsibilities that should be part of normal family life or normal work life. It also may have more damaging consequences. Children or co-workers may think you can't recognize how simple the job is, or suspect you believe he or she is fragile and needs a pat on the back for doing it. Save your appreciation for efforts that are merit-worthy. When praise is truly deserved, it becomes a powerful motivating force.

Compliments That Count - Be Sincere/Don't Manipulate

Don't be someone who gives compliments so frequently that they mean nothing to the recipient. Be judicious in giving compliments, and when you do, mean it. Others know when you are faking it. Also don't be a manipulator when you give compliments - i.e. giving a compliment to motivate something you value v. something actual valuable. For example, a co-worker will know when you are trying to manipulate future behavior by saying "It was so good to see you in the office early today." T hey know you would like them to show up earlier but is that the valuable thing? Likley not. Likely it is the work that would happen during this time. You can be more subtle and more effective in your compliment if you notice specific activity. "I noticed you were working hard on the ABC project early today. Thank you. How is that coming?" This alternative will lead people to be engaged and will also let them know you appreciate their hard work. It also makes bosses realize what is the valuable activity. Presence is not valuable - it is the hard work when present and that is what we want to encourage.

Compliments That Count - DETAILS, DETAILS, DETAILS

I submit that the main goal of praise is to reinforce this behavior - that is, encouraging people to continue to act in ways that lead to positive outcomes. As a boss or a person who has direct reports at work, it is often hard to know how to give good feedback during evaluations or throughout the year. If you are not clear about how and why someone you work with has done something good, it is more difficult for them to repeat that behavior. Therefore, it is important to avoid generalizations and be specific about their actions, not your feelings (for example - say you worked so hard on preparing that presentation or I could see how well you understand all the details of that problem). Zero in on areas your co-workers or direct reports can control - and improve - to reach their goals, including discipline and perseverance. This will encourage that same behavior to be repeated and likely improved upon! Additionally, if you report to someone at your job and have frequent evaluations, ask your boss to be specific. If they give you generalizations, like "way to go" ask them specifics - like what was the most important part of that project for you? Those questions let your boss know your are interested in doing a great job and continuing to do a good job in the future.