When Saying No Is Polite (and best for your sanity!)

Some of us cannot stop themselves from agreeing to every request for help. When we say yes all the time, we can tax ourselves beyond what we can bear. We may even end up resenting people we help. But, most importantly we may miss the "yes" opportunities that really matter like spending time with family over helping with one more bake sale for the community center. I am going to school full time and also working full time and helping out with another side business when I can. I am taxed to the max professionally and it certainly effects my relationships with my family and friends. I have said no to a lot of opportunities but most of the time I have gotten it wrong and said yes to way too many things I probably should have turned down for my own health and sanity and out of respect for my relationships with those that really matter. So what are things we can do to help ourselves say no? 1) Remove the guilt. Do not think you are not a good friend or a good person because you turn down someone. Let them know you care about them but that the timing for you is not convenient based on other obligations. Sometimes this one is the hardest for me to do and I usually cave here... 2) Rehearse saying no ahead of time so you won't cave in at the last minute or waffle about whether you will help or not. 3) If the request for help is spur of the moment, do not immediately respond. "I'll think about that and get back with you" is always appropriate. It also gives you time to process and check with family and on your other obligations to make sure you are availabe. 4) Time is also a friend in this circumstance - delaying an answer raises the possibility of no. But be mindful that this may leave others in a quandry to find replacement help if you have given the impression you may be available. 5) Don't blurt out the "no." Soften your voice so the no comes across as sincere and does not hurt the feelings of the other person. But if you do say yes, by all means do it. Let your yes be a yes and your no be a no - do not be in between. Those are the people everyone else will resent for being a waffler and someone you cannot count on. To "no" more times this week! Marty