What to do when a friend is in crisis - part 2

Yesterday I shared some of the dear things friends and family recently did for me and my husband while he was having  unexpected surgeries and prolonged recovery. The affection does not stop and we are so blessed. So many friends and family kept us laughing along this tough journey.  They would send a random text with a fantastic quote or picture. They sent great handwritten cards with words of encouragement, laughter and lightheartedness. A precious friend sent us adult coloring books - yes they exist and yes they are awesome. They sent playing cards and word games. The joy that was sent was so welcome and relieving so when in crisis. So send your love in a fun way. It is always nice to lighten the mood with so many tough things going on. 

What to do when a friend is in crisis..,.

We all want to help when a friend is having a hard time. Often we send notes that say "please let me know if you need anything" or something similar to that. Candidly that is what I often do. But, some recent personal events have taught me a lot about crisis etiquette for lack of a better word. I am sure this is not a one size fits all response but these are my observations. 

When a friend is in crisis, they often don't know what they need so offering the help of "let me know if you need anything" without something more specific is really just giving them another decision to handle at a time when that is very hard. 

I recently had some amazing friends and family help me and my husband through an unexpected surgery. They just showed up and spent time with us. They brought books and things to keep us amused. They offered to help with anything but their presence alone was the amazing gift. Sometimes the best gift you can give is your time. When you are present, the person in crisis will ask for what they need. 

Others just did things like bring food or walk out dog. They did not ask really; they just did it whether we asked or not. Let me say everything by these folks was greatly appreciated.  We certainly enjoyed every bit of the food and help and particularly enjoyed knowing what great friends we have.  Their specific proactivity in our time of need was exactly what the doctor ordered.  

Be the perfect party guest - RSVP

1) RSVP ASAP - at the longest within a day or two. 2) The maybe? That is a tougher option. If you are just weighing your options, just say no. It's not ok to not respond. If it's an evite, a host can see that you viewed it so they may think you are ignoring them. If your plans change or you can come, give a week's notice. A host will usually be happy to have you back. 3) If you don't want to go, don't make up an excuse. Just say that you cannot attend. 4) RSVP for whom? You want to bring your spouse or kids? Do not assume that any of them are invited. Don't ask can we bring the kids when the invite is clear - e.g. "couples party" does not mean bring the toddler. If you must ask, leave it open ended like "I am excited about the party. Shall I tell the hubby?" That gives the host an easier way to answer. 5) You can only make an appearance? If you can only make an appearance and it is a sit down dinner, let your host know. If its unstructured and you can stay there for 30 minutes that is fine enough to come in, greet the host, and have a drink. 6) Your yes changes to a no - as soon as you know you cannot attend, let your host know. Don't be a no show. It's rude to your host. You don't have to share all the details but let them know you will miss being there.

The Perfect Party - Wrapping It Up Politely

How do you politely let guests know that the evening should come to a close? 1) Set a time on the invitation. This sets expectations at the outset of the party (e.g. Party from 6-9 pm) 2) Give a toast at the end of the party that thanks guests for coming and mention you cannot wait to do it again. This is a nice way to give everyone a not so subtle hint it is time to go home. 3) A more subtle approach may be if you start cleaning up. Guests usually pitch in or leave.

The Perfect Party - Conversation Free Flow

If your guests don't know each other one way to open up avenues for conversation is an interactive event like a wine/cheese tasting, or make your own pizza party where everyone is interacting in the kitchen. These kind of interactive events help loosen up the group and get everyone sharing. If you are up for games, card games or interactive games are also a great way to get the whole group involved. As the host you should be the facilitator - greet every single guest and give them an idea of who they may be interested in talking to because they may have something in common like they are both runners, or their kids are in the same school etc.

The Perfect Party - How To Get People To Mix and Mingle

Here are a few thoughts on how to get a perfect mix at your party: 1) Seat elderly guests in the center of things so they are no isolated on the edges. Plus their stories are always the best. 2) Shy guests? Give them a job like helping pass appetizers around. It helps them mix and gives them a reason to go around to each person without feeling awkward. 3)Name cards are a good way to mix up a table so everyone gets to know each other. Dessert is also an option to move a few guests around for the second part of the meal. 4) Kids can get in on the party too. They can be great helpers to take overcoats/purses and store those and help pass out drinks or refreshments.

Network like a pro - reading body language

Reading a room is a skill that is learned. Here is a guide for nonverbal cues that will help at your next networking event. 1) Is the person facing outward/open to the action and smiling? That is a person who is giving an invitation to talk. Go network! 2) Is there a bored looking group, talking sporadically, looking at phone a lot? If you can liven up the party with them, you will be a hero. If you are not up for that, this group will be hard to break into. 3) Big smile, aggressive hand shaker, business cards at the ready? He's selling something...run. Those folks rarely want to help others - they are there to collect cards. 4) Solo person but with a smile? Offer conversation. Those situations often offer the most bang for the buck as everyone is grateful to find a group at a party. The note to self is which one of these groups do you fall into at a party? You may be ruining your chances of great networking opportunities if you use the wrong non-verbal cues.