Great Tips for Bosses to Deal With Workplace Romances

Romance Can Disrupt a Small Firm Bosses need to make sure lovebirds stay professional By Barbara Haislip February 3, 2014 An office romance at a small firm can be a very tricky affair. A lot of the safety valves that big companies have for handling the situation won't work. A boss can't transfer somebody to a different department or have someone report to a different manager to make sure the romance doesn't interfere with work. If a romance sours, not only can it poison the mood of the whole office, there's also the risk of having a sexual-harassment suit filed against the company—something few small firms can afford. Meanwhile, if one lover decides to leave because of the situation, it can seriously disrupt a very small business where every employee counts. Two's Company The most important thing a business owner can do is to start talking to the people involved as soon as he or she becomes aware of the situation, says Arlene Vernon, founder of HRx Inc., a human-resources consulting company in Eden Prairie, Minn. "You don't need to approach this with threats or anger. Just take a respectful, business-focused approach," she says. In a conversation, the lovers should spell out "they are not going to work differently, communicate differently or treat people differently as a result of their relationship." Clemens and Jessica Lengenfelder at the dance studio where they met West Hartford Fred Astaire Dance Studio Ben Sayers, chief executive and owner of VoIP Supply LLC, a 30-employee e-commerce company in Buffalo, N.Y., says he's had lots of couples in the workplace—"at one point, exactly one-third of the whole workforce was married to or dating a co-worker." In most cases, he says, a simple conversation was all it took to keep the situation on track. In the chat, he would make clear that the relationship was fine as long as "it had no negative performance effect, it was not a distraction to other employees and that they kept their personal disagreements at home and not center stage at work." That approach has served Jessica Lengenfelder well, too. She met her husband, Clemens, 15 years ago when they were both instructors at the West Hartford Fred Astaire Dance Studio franchise in West Hartford, Conn., and since she took over the business in May 2001, two dozen employees have paired off and dated—in a couple of cases even married. Dance instructors often become dance partners, so it's not surprising many fall in love, she says. When Ms. Lengenfelder finds out a couple is dating, she has a joint conversation with them about keeping up a level of professionalism—"No goo-goo eyes at each other"—and when they break up she talks to them separately, telling them to leave their problems on the mat outdoors. Beyond that, the studio has a general written policy that calls for a level of professionalism emulating Fred Astaire. "Our business is a happy, friendly business," she says. "I remind them of what Fred would do." People Will Talk Sometimes things don't go quite so gracefully. Audrey Darrow, president of Earth Source Organics, a maker of nutritional chocolate bars in Vista, Calif., had two employees on the manufacturing line start eyeing each other in 2011. The woman was flirting, Ms. Darrow says, and the man responded, which made their work slow down. Other employees got angry with the woman and told the man she was tricking him. Then the couple got angry with the other staffers. After assigning the couple to jobs in different spots—where they didn't have time to talk—bosses had a one-on-one meeting with each. Then they addressed the topic of people lowering productivity in meetings with the entire staff (albeit without mentioning names). Now, Ms. Darrow says, "they are doing great and we've had no more issues with employees so far." Some pros advise bosses to go further than chats and set up firm policies. Joel Greenwald, managing partner of Greenwald Doherty LLP, a New York-based labor and employment-law firm, advises having rules requiring couples to report relationships to the owner. He also advises owners to protect themselves by having both parties acknowledge the relationship is consensual and that they understand the company policy on harassment. One thing to be sure about, says Roberta Matuson, president of Matuson Consulting, based in Northampton, Mass.: "Don't put policies in place that you are unwilling to enforce. If you have a 'no dating co-workers' policy, then you must remind co-workers who decide to date what the policy says and ask them which person will be resigning from his or her job." She also suggests a simple solution to head off tricky situations. "Encourage your workers to leave work on time so they can have a life outside of work," she says. "By doing so, they may be less tempted to ask out the only other person they happen to know."